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Thursday, April 21, 2011

4-21-11

as you can see i am blogging alot more! i have an update on the surender of Cande! 2 days back to back i have spoken wih firmness and honesty with GOD, on  my surrend to him,  especaily 2 areas of my life. One of those areas is my career, the other is relationships, i have left them in GODs, hands. its up to him what he will do with them All i i know is i will put in 100% in these areas.  it is a great feeling! to have qand in just those 2 days people have noticed, go figure. i also learend "QUICK SLOW SLOW" Quick to listen, Slow to speak,Slow to get angry, (thanks Gabe)i heard this and i loved it. the reason is  because i do the complete oppiste quick to get angry Quick to speak, Slow to listen. Any its been a great week a great night and Thats my update for as fawn would say Y'ALL lol.

Monday, April 18, 2011

4-18-11

i dont know what to say! i feel very repatative. it has been 9 months and i lost 87 or 88 lbs, as always its not the # but the journey!  it ALL has become 2nd nature to me the eatting the excersice etc....  ALL i know is that now its not about the weight its about the emotional side of it now the confidence the selfestem,  because whats my excuse now? i am not FAT(over weight), and this is something i need to deal with  as menioned before i feel like i am going down the same path and i refuse to do so. So my question now is how to gain that confidance? How to stop caring of what people think? i think is by spending time with Candelario, what am i about? to stop putting on mask  for other people to feel comfterable but to make candelario,
comfterable first so other people, around me can be to. I say that  because i am tired of being afraid, if i cant be comfterable with me, how can i be with others?  The answer is with GODs, guidance and grace because  not matter what he loves me, and wants the bes tfor me and ALL of us. In thebeginig  i say 9 months have gone by and thats how long it takes before a child is born. Connecting the dots i feel like i have been born again, With that said I want  surrender myself to GOD, and nothing/no one else if he wants me to have a relationship he will give 1 to me, if wants me to have a family he will give me 1.. What will i do for him?  serve and love those around me get out of my comfert Zone. Do what Zac and Fawn did for me, invest in others. Because its not about me, its about us.in the process i will get to know Candelario Garcia.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

4-16-11

what is the deal! Why do countinuedown the same path if i knowit leads to no where. i am @ work and i am thinking of Personal lifre, i am hanging out  and i cant stop thinking of work! it is fraustrating. i am scared of it ALL i dont know what else to say except for  i want off this path and be happy. i am tired of being angry scared fearful i feel something missing and i cant find it will i ever?

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

4-4-11

hello everyone. as you know i am on a long journey! and trust me when i say its an emotional rollercoster. the reason i,say tha is because its still difficult for me to accept compliments and i still put myself down before anyone else can so i beat them to the punch. and the people i am talking to are etreamly caring loving and non judgemental but 20 years of being put down and picked on for being OVERWEIGHT or for having glasses and not being able to have the fancy cloths that everyone had/hasas a kid it was very for being dark sikined  ALL the BS that come with being diffrent. Why am i repeating or say the same stuff over n over is because i am in a healing procees its very difficult for me to see or run across someone from my past and act like everything is or was ok when i was marked by the words. there are days just certain events from my past come across and i just want to cry. once again i moved out and ifeelalone even thoug i am not i not looking for pitty just trying to build my relations ships freindship fellowships  and it difficult for me  because i do it on a daily basis and that is communicate i cant even do that and sounds easy right. Wrong and the reason is because i still care what people think of me,and i should nt be like that because i know GODloves me and accepts me for who I AM,  he gave his only son for our sins and here  i am feeling selfish by being scareed of talking. All i know is am scared just like when i started this journey and i will overcome this and more  just like i did by lossing the weight and its not just about that but growing as a person a young man into a man the man god wants me to be. KEEP ON KEEPING ON !!!  Fawn/Zac i miss you guys and i will not let you guys down and especailly Myself or God with out you him and my family i would never have mad it this far i love you guys

Saturday, April 2, 2011

4-2-11

well its been a month that i have been out on my own and surprisingly i have not starved to death lol. its dificult scary. As you can see reality hit me! i was overwelmed scared. with my family and friends support i will get thur this Also with Gods, help.to =)