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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

4-4-11

hello everyone. as you know i am on a long journey! and trust me when i say its an emotional rollercoster. the reason i,say tha is because its still difficult for me to accept compliments and i still put myself down before anyone else can so i beat them to the punch. and the people i am talking to are etreamly caring loving and non judgemental but 20 years of being put down and picked on for being OVERWEIGHT or for having glasses and not being able to have the fancy cloths that everyone had/hasas a kid it was very for being dark sikined  ALL the BS that come with being diffrent. Why am i repeating or say the same stuff over n over is because i am in a healing procees its very difficult for me to see or run across someone from my past and act like everything is or was ok when i was marked by the words. there are days just certain events from my past come across and i just want to cry. once again i moved out and ifeelalone even thoug i am not i not looking for pitty just trying to build my relations ships freindship fellowships  and it difficult for me  because i do it on a daily basis and that is communicate i cant even do that and sounds easy right. Wrong and the reason is because i still care what people think of me,and i should nt be like that because i know GODloves me and accepts me for who I AM,  he gave his only son for our sins and here  i am feeling selfish by being scareed of talking. All i know is am scared just like when i started this journey and i will overcome this and more  just like i did by lossing the weight and its not just about that but growing as a person a young man into a man the man god wants me to be. KEEP ON KEEPING ON !!!  Fawn/Zac i miss you guys and i will not let you guys down and especailly Myself or God with out you him and my family i would never have mad it this far i love you guys

4 comments:

  1. Your heart is so tender Cande. It's hard to not let some of those feelings of insecurity come back at times. But you are a special and unique young man and God has a wonderful plan for your life. Amazing!

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  2. We love you Cande! You can do anything through Christ who gives you strength! :)

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  3. You are sooo awesome Cande. You are real and that is what makes you so special. God has some awesome things planned for you...you just wait and see!
    KaTHLEEN

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  4. That is awesome and it is hard to deal with the emotional aspect of changing your life, but when you start it's a great thing! It will warm your heart. You've warmed everyone else's. Let it be your time.

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