Friday, December 31, 2010


well it new year eve! and here i am @ home. rather be out and about. dont get me wrong i l;ove my family, i just need a postive atmosphere. not that they are negative but just the same conversations bout the same things. yes life happens, i want to be happy and away from negativity

Sunday, December 26, 2010


do you ever feel like your going backwards? i do and usually what triggers it is a small comment or remark. sdont know why but it makes me get defensive and what i now do is take a deep breath and remeber that GOD, has my back no matter what. after all is said in don i feel better, for some reason i feel a disconnect as if i still am lookinfg for someones approval. dont know why! however i know i will be ok as lon as i approve of myself =) no one elses matters but GODs, and mine

Thursday, December 23, 2010


well it is almost Xmas, i have to say that being on this journey, is great! when i converse with people, i dont get tired of sharing what i am doing. I dont feel like i am wasting my time i can see the person(s) reaction and they are really listening to what i am talking about, its a great feeling, some would say i am coming out of my shell but in reality i am coming out of a cacun. i am really looking forward to a NEW YEAR!

Sunday, December 19, 2010


today was great! i was up and out of the house at 630 am, did not get back til 8 pm. i worked out, served at the long beach mission, hung out with Zac, a lil bit. and topped it off with church service =). A reflection as mentioned i helped served lunch, i thought having bad days off is bad,(a problem) but seeing the people there it made me think that i have no problems, but i apprexcate the fact that i have a job. Today Was a GREAT DAY! i got a taste of life and i love it

Saturday, December 18, 2010


time, thats what is needed. if you listen carefully to the conversations, you have with people, the common issue is time. you may not realize this but this is an important aspect of a transformation, spritual growth, emotional growth, ETC... It all takes time. i personally noticed that when i want or need something is now and i dont want to wait for it to happen. i was once told " i should walk with time" an the lord will provide what you need and when he sees that you need it. i will countinue to work on me and with Time all good things will come to me in forms of wisdom and understanding.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


yesterday, i went to Forge. The discution was on how god made us in his IMAGE, and made us to be in relationships. After i heard this it helped me feel a lot calmer and reduced my fear in that area. i came across 4 scriptures that i like, but only 1 stood out to me "For i am the LORD, your God, Who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you" (Isaiah41:13) when i read this i felt like nothing can faze me, and that i have nothing to FEAR, because God, will hold my right hand and help me. this journey is not only about my, weight its also about becoming a Man, the Man, god< wants me to be. I will no longer fearanything or anyone.

Sunday, December 12, 2010


i was looking up the definition of fear, and let me tell youthe definition is repeatative. to be afraid terro etc... then i came across the fearless not to be afraid. looking at those 2 diffreat defintions fearless is straight forward, simple if yopu will. No body should its a state of mind an attitude, we as people do to our seleves. Basicly all i am saying is i am tired of being afraid. i want to live and i will cause GOD is always by my side and i have my family and my freinds that will have my back. as these thoughts rattle in my mind the one that makes me most hapy are 2 one is a person and the other is the day i got baptized.

Saturday, December 11, 2010


reflecting on my past and looking forward to the future,what it holds no body knows. why do we make life so complicated? why cant life be simple emotions are invested/planted but it grows doubt fear ETC... we hold material things to heart we in reality they mean nothing. all i want is to be happy and surounded by loved ones. i have reached that goal as well. i will be me same ole cande regardless of weight. the doubt i will over come and keep on keepin on =)

Thursday, December 9, 2010


wqell its week 15 and i worked out with fawn, she pushed and tested my limits like zac does. she was there doing the excercise along side with me she had mee running at a 8.5-8,7 so it was a lil dificult but with her there i was a lil easier. after the work out i weighed in. i lost 6 more lbs for a grand total of 59 lbs! so the goal of 220 was blown out of the water cause i am at 217.5 lbs. new goal is 1 75-180, i am still in shock i never in my right mind think i would getin to shout or out of the shape ROUBND lol. but with help in guidance and all of the support its happening. thank you everyone that follows this keep on keepin on =)

Monday, December 6, 2010


yesterday was a great day! i was baptized in the pacific ocean =) it was amaz
ing i had the support of my family and freinds. the way i made a commitment to my self and zac and fawn. I made it to follow God, it was the most important decision i have ever made =)today i still could not believe it. it's a great feeling. the sky is the limit keep on keeping on with Gods love /guidance.

Thursday, December 2, 2010


well i weighed in with Zac,Fawn and i lost 2 lbs for a totalk of 53 lbs in 14 weeks. i was talking to grace and i mentioned that i feel like a diffrent person. its a little werid but in a good way. people approach me diffrently i guees it part of the procees. i will be going to the gym tonite and i am a lil tired but i know once i am there i will get into itand get to my goal! of 220 =. i can honetsly say i feel great!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


well its week 14 and i see zac later on today. i have stayed on track with thefood but only been to the gym once this week and it upsets me when i cant or dont go. i was talking grace bout how i am feeling cause when i get upset i am like a bull in a china shop figuratvely speaking. it opens a flow of negative thoughts so i call her to shut off that flow. yesterday i went to work witn my dad, i was refelecting am i the type of person that is consommed by work or am i turning into that person? grace said yes that i am that person due to it its all i have. i am singl 27 yrs old and defently dont want to make work my priority. i will enjoy life and travel want to meet new people. i am tired of being afraid and afraid of rejection. Grace said leave it in gods hans he will never lead you some where unsafe. i will do just that and pray and embrace the confidence that i have uptained with this journey =)